24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!