Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.