do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager