Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?