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if i can run in heels then i can drive
That's when you crack a 10am beer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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