so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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