I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
