I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
