I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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