Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
