did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
