i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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