The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
