Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
