Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
