I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
