i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
