I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize