I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
