This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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