I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
