She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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