I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
