How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
