I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
