I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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