who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
