what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
