Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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