I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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