What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We are all done wearing pants today
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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