Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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