last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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