Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think i have two assholes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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