Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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