That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
