I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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