guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
