He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
