I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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