I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
