Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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