U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
