i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
