let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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