I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
