How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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