i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
