Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
