I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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