My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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