Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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