Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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