I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
