Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's great music for shaving your balls
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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