Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
