thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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