No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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