Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
