My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
