Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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