you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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