It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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