If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
