i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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