I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single