I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.