Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass