I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
