Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
where am i from again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
