It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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