I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Threesome in a minivan. New low
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
