I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
