it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My pussy is not your playground.
is wine microwaveable?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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