This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
