You can't special order awesome
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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