This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
