Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
