His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I AM VODKA MAN
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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