Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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