just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
