i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
