My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
