You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
