If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
