he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
