i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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