Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
