nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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